Understanding mental illness… on purpose

If you’ve never had depression, you may never understand the fight mentally & physically.

Here’s what I’m going to tell you… depression is a hidden disease. A painful one. And some have it worse than others.

This is not something that can just change over night. It’s not something a therapist can fix after a few sessions. And for some people, it never goes away.

No explanation of why they feel like they do. Sometimes being alone is the happier place. And safer choice. You gravitate to what’s comfortable. And being anti-social is sometimes where they feel they need to be.

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Someone sent me this article.

Even if you don’t understand the disease completely, hopefully this article will share some insight to those around that suffer from depression or any mental disease.

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #depression #bipolar #suicide #mentalillness #mentalhealthdisease

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Shoveling snow

***THIS IS A MUST READ ***

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Now Anthony Bourdain.

When you have depression it’s like it snows every day.

Some days it’s only a couple of inches. It’s a pain in the ass, but you still make it to work, the grocery store. Sure, maybe you skip the gym or your friend’s birthday party, but it IS still snowing and who knows how bad it might get tonight. Probably better to just head home. Your friend notices, but probably just thinks you are flaky now, or kind of an asshole.

Some days it snows a foot. You spend an hour shoveling out your driveway and are late to work. Your back and hands hurt from shoveling. You leave early because it’s really coming down out there. Your boss notices.

Some days it snows four feet. You shovel all morning but your street never gets plowed. You are not making it to work, or anywhere else for that matter. You are so sore and tired you just get back in the bed. By the time you wake up, all your shoveling has filled back in with snow. Looks like your phone rang; people are wondering where you are. You don’t feel like calling them back, too tired from all the shoveling. Plus they don’t get this much snow at their house so they don’t understand why you’re still stuck at home. They just think you’re lazy or weak, although they rarely come out and say it.

Some weeks it’s a full-blown blizzard. When you open your door, it’s to a wall of snow. The power flickers, then goes out. It’s too cold to sit in the living room anymore, so you get back into bed with all your clothes on. The stove and microwave won’t work so you eat a cold Pop Tart and call that dinner. You haven’t taken a shower in three days, but how could you at this point? You’re too cold to do anything except sleep.

Sometimes people get snowed in for the winter. The cold seeps in. No communication in or out. The food runs out. What can you even do, tunnel out of a forty foot snow bank with your hands? How far away is help? Can you even get there in a blizzard? If you do, can they even help you at this point? Maybe it’s death to stay here, but it’s death to go out there too.

The thing is, when it snows all the time, you get worn all the way down. You get tired of being cold. You get tired of hurting all the time from shoveling, but if you don’t shovel on the light days, it builds up to something unmanageable on the heavy days. You resent the hell out of the snow, but it doesn’t care, it’s just a blind chemistry, an act of nature. It carries on regardless, unconcerned and unaware if it buries you or the whole world.

Also, the snow builds up in other areas, places you can’t shovel, sometimes places you can’t even see. Maybe it’s on the roof. Maybe it’s on the mountain behind the house. Sometimes, there’s an avalanche that blows the house right off its foundation and takes you with it. A veritable Act of God, nothing can be done. The neighbors say it’s a shame and they can’t understand it; he was doing so well with his shoveling.

I don’t know how it went down for Anthony Bourdain or Kate Spade. It seems like they got hit by the avalanche, but it could’ve been the long, slow winter. Maybe they were keeping up with their shoveling. Maybe they weren’t. Sometimes, shoveling isn’t enough anyway. It’s hard to tell from the outside, but it’s important to understand what it’s like from the inside.

I firmly believe that understanding and compassion have to be the base of effective action. It’s important to understand what depression is, how it feels, what it’s like to live with it, so you can help people both on an individual basis and a policy basis. I’m not putting heavy shit out here to make your Friday morning suck. I know it feels gross to read it, and realistically it can be unpleasant to be around it, that’s why people pull away.

I don’t have a message for people with depression like “keep shoveling”. It’s asinine. Of course you’re going to keep shoveling the best you can, until you physically can’t, because who wants to freeze to death inside their own house? We know what the stakes are. My message is to everyone else. Grab a fucking shovel and help your neighbor. Slap a mini snow plow on the front of your truck and plow your neighborhood. Petition the city council to buy more salt trucks, so to speak.

Depression is blind chemistry and physics, like snow. And like the weather, it is a mindless process, powerful and unpredictable with great potential for harm. But like climate change, that doesn’t mean we are helpless. If we want to stop losing so many people to this disease, it will require action at every level.

– Anonymous

The exciting part of my job and why I love what I do… on purpose!

Eric Bellinger!!! The ENERGY you have on & off stage is incredible and the love from your fans, INSANE!!!

You are BLESSED with a supportive and multi-talented team. The hard work that goes on behind the screen is just crazy. The MIGHTY 7 YOU ALL ARE!!!

Thank you for your kindness, generosity and your easy going personality.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet you, hang out with you & your team and it’s the ultimate honor & privilege to massage you!!

Last but not least… a HUGE SHOUTOUT to my sister/friend Shye for making this opportunity possible. You are AMAZING and I’m THANKFUL for YOU!

Best of luck on the rest of the tour!

See ya when I’m in LA next month!!!

~K

#EricBellinger #EazyCallTour #LA #westcoast #RBArtist #HipHopArtist #teamwork #hardwork #themighty7 #massage #massagelife #massagetherapist #lovewhatido #blessed #thankful #godisgreat

GET MORE MASSAGES… on purpose

So… I’m moving to the west coast.

I don’t owe anyone an explanation why I am moving.  People questioning my actions and those that I thought would be supportive…. <chirp, chirp>  Not surprised, honestly.

At the end of the day, I’m moving because I want to move.  I put myself though massage so I CAN travel and live ANYWHERE in the world.  That’s how awesome my job is!

I’ve live in the DC area for 28 years and before that it was PA until I graduated high school.  My kid is an adult and in college, focusing on nursing.  (Another field that will take her ANYWHERE she wants to go, including out of the COUNTRY!)

I went into massage in 2011 to help people.  Understanding the power of massage and the benefits is exactly why I chose this field.  Its cheaper to take care of yourself through massage not only physically but mentally and spiritually.  And if you’re lucky and have awesome insurance, you can get massages monthly or even weekly.

Did you know it also helps with depression?

We are in a world today where suicide is crazy.  I pray that people recognize their illness, not be ashamed and seek resources for help.

I’ve had depression my whole life.  I have way too many family members with depression, bi-polar and darkness within.  Attempting suicide and a few that committed suicide.

I was in my 30’s when I started getting massages.  Personally, I didn’t know the benefits, but I knew I felt great (mentally).

Just before turning 40, I decided to change my whole life, get out of corporate world and find a job as a trade that I can move anywhere in the world.

7 years later, I am given the opportunity to not only move anywhere but I get to move to Los Angeles where it is sunny everyday (google it if you don’t believe me).

With my winter depression – this is where I NEED to be.

For business, come on, its California. People are into their health, wellbeing and LOVE AND APPRECIATE massage.  I also have a few acquaintances out there that I can turn to for advice.   They work in the same type of industry: service.  I see the hustle they do there.  No different than my life here working two jobs, seven days a week.

So, for the haters hating… keep talking about me.  Its promotion for me anyway.

The true support system is those that support ME, regardless of what they think is best for me.

Last I checked, I’m an adult.

Life is too short.  GET MORE MASSAGES!!!

#live #life #lifeistooshort #massagetherapist #sunny #losangeles  #california #massage #healing #depression #suicide #wellbeing #happiness #foreverfindingpurpose

Crossing Paths… with purpose

“There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or you’re the one that will change theirs.” – Angel Flonis Harefa

You have changed my life in more ways than one.

I’ve learned about my weaknesses and strengths not only personally but in our relationship.

Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, we have had our trials & tribulations. With each challenge, it made us stronger.

Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, we have encouraged and often times remind each other to just be better people in this world and appreciate those in our lives.

Though I still have my downfalls and some days I still question what the heck am I doing with my life, I put my faith in God knowing He has placed the appropriate people in my life at the right time.

Through ups and downs, highs and lows, I am appreciative that our paths have crossed.

Without you, I would not be the person I am today. I am forever grateful. And still growing.

#amen #injesusname #Godshands #seekgod #threeyears #crosspaths #life #change #positiveattitude #friendsforever #family #love #strength #laughter #friendsfirst #thankful #appreciative #relationshipgoals #livelaughlove #ach #k #together #growth #betterpeople #pathoflife #threeyearanniversary #iloveyoumore

#foreverfindingpurpose

See photo in Instagram: Ms.KCanvas

Please God, send me a sign…

Not that this image means anything to anyone, but it does to me and two other people. ❤️

I’ve always been the type of person that I believe in ‘signs’. I see something and it immediately makes me think of that person or I tell myself this person must be thinking of me. Or signs to let me know about a decision on something after you pleaded to God “Please, God give me a sign”….

Sometimes I’d get signs through: time (like 11:11), songs, scripture, images and certain people I meet…

The last few years I have been more in tune with myself as I continue to work on my relationship with Jesus & God.

I used to ask God to send me a sign to let me know ‘He’s Got Me’. The last couple years, I stopped asking Him because I know HE’S GOT ME!

Then I used to ask for God to send me a sign to let me know I’m making the right decisions, with anything/everything. “Should I do this, should I do that.”

Asking God to help me make a decision on work, family & relationships, mostly. It was like I couldn’t make a decision on my own unless I asked God for guidance first.

Sometimes He’d give me the answers immediately, but most times, I felt he never gave me the sign quick enough, and THAT was my sign that I needed to make these decisions one my own and no one could help me with the answer.

Later, if not weeks later, He’d send me a sign. Either something amazing happens based on choosing path A or some trials would pop up based on choosing path B.

For my non-believers: I mean, duh, that’s part of life, right? Good bad. Ups and downs. Life. No signs needed because at the end of the day, your decisions are YOUR decisions, right?

For me, I have always believed in signs… and 9/10, they showed up.

I stopped asking God for signs on decisions, because ultimately, I’m the only one that can choose and I know either way, I’ll learn something from it.

I started seeking God more a few years back because I felt He was the only person that did not judge me. He was the only person I could talk to at 3am. Especially on days I didn’t want to get out of bed when I felt lost and needed guidance.

Here’s what I’ve experienced: those that seek God, are happier people. Those that pray together have a bond like no other. Those that are open to Jesus and the Lord, are always blessed with mental peace of mind, unconditional love and a sense of guidance that they all know where they are heading in the future: eternal life.

So, I thank God today for giving me this sign to remind me that these two people, in particular, are forever in my heart and reminding me the importance of family.

Days like today, when I feel like I don’t have many people around, these are the signs that randomly pop up in my day. And I THANK GOD!

In Jesus’ Name, Amen 🙏🏽❤️

Image on Instagram: @Ms.Kcanvas

#signs #God #family #love #believe #tenthirtythree #foreverfindingpurpose

Just a small town girl

Small Town Girl | Forever Finding Purpose

#foreverfindingpurpose #ffp #smalltowngirl #dontstopbelieving #lifeistooshort #faith #hope #believe #love #peace #happiness #appreciatelife #MsK #MsKBlog #MsKCanvas #writer #blogger #bloglife #lifelessons #reallife #instablog #bloglife #writingwithpurpose #therapythroughwords #mylife #goals #lovelife

B O L O B G created this awesome video of me.  Capturing some amazing images and videos from Key West and some random photos of me around the house.

Thank you B O L O B G.  I am appreciative for the time you have put into making this video.

Directed by: Belay Belay @bolobg

…but what’s the purpose?

I’ve been wanting to write my whole life.  Actually, I HAVE been writing my whole life.  Just never had the nerve to share it.

My life can often be described as a train wreck by some.  People don’t agree with some of my choices or tend to judge me based on certain things or people in my life.

I promise you, my life is not a train wreck.  My life has been an adventure.  I have some crazy stories.  I have somewhat of a sad past.  I’ve made some bad choices in life.  I’ve definitely screwed some people over.  I also have not been the greatest friend to some over the past few years.

At the end of the day, I’ve made mistakes.  And I am not perfect.  I am still a good person with a bad temper and suffer the ‘blues’ during the winter months.  Just trying to pay taxes just like everyone else (well, should be paying them), enjoy life to the best of my ability, live life full of love and laughter, surrounded by good people before I am six-feet under (or cremated and put into a orb, in my case).

This time in my life, I am appreciative and fortunate for every experience I have had up to this point in my life.  Tomorrow is not promised to me (or you).

I’m just trying to figure my way through life.  Not sure what my purpose is yet or what it is that I am supposed to be doing.  Basically, I’M WINGING LIFE.  Not a bad place to be, actually.  Scary.  Exciting. But honestly I have no idea what the heck I am doing with my future.

So, as I live my life, literally winging it, I would like to share my writing, blogging, photos, meme, my life experiences, (as well as my continued Faith with Jesus), and one day if all of this ends up putting a smile on someone’s crappy day or have a person feel like they are hitting rock bottom, but something I posted gave them faith and encouragement to not give up. All of this time sharing has been worth it.

Word is powerful.  Freedom of speech is even more powerful.

Life is hard.  My life has been hard.  But I learned a lot.  I still am learning.  Not sure where my life is going to take me… either way, as Ralph Waldo Emerson said “It is not the Destination, its the Journey.”  And that’s exactly what I plan on doing… enjoying the journey of life as I am Forever Finding Purpose and to touch as many lives as possible a long the way.

~Ms.K

**disclaimer:  I write like I speak.  Get over it.

God’s work in Key West

April 15-18, 2018

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Key West Florida (Gulf of Mexico) * Mallory Square * April 15, 2018 * 7:44pm
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Key West Florida (Atlantic Ocean) * Southernmost Point Pier * April 18, 2018 * 7:04am

My first time in the Keys.  Pretty amazing place.  Words can not describe how beautiful these images are in real life.  I wished the weather had been a tad bit warmer (mid 70’s all 4 days).  I could definitely see myself living in that kind of world.  People are super nice.  And happy.  Though they probably would had been a lot more happier had President 45  had not been making a visit to the island on Thursday and turned the whole town super paranoia beforehand.  However, we did manage to have some awesome stories to tell along the way.