Couldn’t sleep last night so I decided to just write.
I found this quote the other day and thought to myself, why not leave 2020 up to God, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain through his guidance and protection.
Dear God, I’m placing 2020 in your hands… on purpose.
I have found that leaving the choices of my future to you, will more than likely be the better than most of the choices I could come up with for myself this year. LOL
I know you have my back at all times. I know you will not stray me down paths that you wouldn’t see has a purpose for my future.
Even during times of trials, I will not question why.
I’m exhausted trying to figure out what it is that I am supposed to be doing with my life.
Trying to figure out who is really in my corner of life.
Tied of fake people.
Tired of head games.
Tired of those that are comfortable being repeat offenders of hurting the souls of the people they once said they loved.
This year, I know I will be happier.
This year, I know I am in a better place mentally, physically, emotionally and most important spiritually.
I know, FOR ME, the only way I can be all these things, are through YOU.
I’ve failed miserably when I tried to do things on my own.
I’ve failed miserably when I didn’t ask You first on how to handle situations. I didn’t know I could ask you personally for guidance or strength. I didn’t know the kind of relationship I could have with You.
I’d be the one that would jump in the pool, head first without looking and not realize there was no water in the bottom of the pool. At least that is how I think some of my past looked.
You become numb to the pain.
Learn to build walls up around yourself. It is safer this way.
You don’t want to share your life because its not where you thought you’d be or “should be” (according to the haters).
The constant let down of others begin to feel like a thickening around the heart and often the mind. Like scar tissue. Layer upon layer of constant ‘beating’.
2019 set me up to see the future a little clearer. A year of understanding boundaries and a release of those I had a hard time forgiving. Letting go of the baggage that once kept my mind a prisoner.
I’m still not ok with how easy it was for people to be shady, disrespectful, lie, cheat and make others look like they’re the crazyones.
I’m not ok with people hurting people, deliberately and intentional.
I’m not ok with people doing things out of spite, knowing the repercussion it could cause or the pain and hurt it can cause to others. But yet comfortable to continue to do it any way.
I know that this year will be even better than the last few because I’m becoming a better version of me each day.
2020 has me in attention to focus on YOU and leave everything up to You.
In Jesus’ Mighty Name! Amen!
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