Single on Purpose

SINGLE ON PURPOSE

A book by John Kim

1/4/26

I’ve started this book at least 3 times in the past and never finished it. 

One of my goals this year is to read more.

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I have been single since 2017.  Not that I haven’t “looked” but quite honestly, the last 9 years have been a bit of a whirlwind that my focus has been on healing and survival. 

My last relationship lasted slightly over 2 years.  I knew from the beginning it wasn’t a healthy relationship, but yet I stayed in it as long as I did because it was nice “having someone’. 

It started with lies, lack of trust, stealing from me, taking advantage of me, punching holes in my walls, smashing anything that had sentimental value all while  I was taking care of his sorry ass every time he lost a job (which was quite often). 

I prayed to God to give me strength to remove this man from life. 

Every time I kicked him out, I allowed him back again because I felt sorry for him. 

Perhaps I hated being alone too.

Then one day I heard a voice in the background of one of his snapchat videos where his coworkers told him to ….”Use that old white bitch”.   (Did I also mention he was many years younger than me.) He denied it by saying it wasn’t about me but fortunately a few weeks later he left to become a stripper (swear to God). 

Beginning of 2018, I got saved and was living life like a good Christian. Going to church, becoming active in my church, living a Christian life with a purpose.

At the end of 2018, he failed not only as a stripper but his multiple other jobs in another state, that he moved back to the area.  My dumb ass allowed him to sleep on my couch as he was closer to his new job (one that I got him). 

2 months later, I found  out that he tried to make moves on my (now adult) daughter and completely lie about it.  I gave him two options:  calling the police to have him removed or put him in a mental institute.  He chose the mental institute. 

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At the beginning of 2019, I decided to start fresh and give up my apartment and rent a bedroom instead.  I was tired of taking care of people and needed to put myself first.

I was full time self-employed massaging and working part time at an architect firm.

By early summer, I had an opportunity to work at a domestic violent shelter. 

I thought this is what God wanted me to do next. 

I also agreed to take on a job at a barber shop that is nearly an hour from where I was living at the beginning of 2020.  I thought this was a great opportunity to network and maybe consider moving to the ‘country’ in the future. 

Looking back, I shouldn’t have taken the job at the shelter. With my (then) lack of boundaries and always wanting to help, I lost my mind, I lost myself and I felt more confused in life than ever before. 

May I also add that having a world-wide pandemic at the time didn’t help me mentally, physically and emotionally.

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By the end of 2021, I was no longer working at the shelter. I also quit the architect job to become full time at the barber shop.  I moved in with my daughter and stepson and I can honestly say my living situation has been awesome.  Still an hour from the country, but I have no regrets.

Though it’s been tough building a clientele where people still look at massage as a luxury (I get it because I was once that person too),  but I do have some solid regulars.  The struggle is having a steady work schedule.  With that being said, I’m fortunate I still have some personal clients and taking on pet sitting jobs near my job.

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Reading ‘Single on Purpose’ will help me become a better version of myself. 

John Kim says “I need to build a better one with myself before I could build anything healthy and meaningful with anyone else.” 

“Take advantage of the time you’re unattached to explore you. Your patterns.  Your definitions.  How you love and why.  Your dreams.  The dent you want to make in this world.  You must explore your relationship with self.  YOU MUST BE WITH YOURSELF FIRST.”

“Singlehood isn’t just about being single.  Singlehood is about being a whole person.”

“A thriving relationship is one in which two whole people come together and do life WITH each other, not at or around each other.”

“When  you start working on yourself instead of just focusing on who you’re going to love, the universe will work through you to make your story bigger than you.  Then when you meet someone who deserves you, you will only bring more to the table as a whole person who is going somewhere.”

“Your journey never ends.  It just changes as you change.  The journey only happens if you decide to go on it.  There is a call to action.  If you decide not to embark on the voyage, you will always live in the past.  You will stay muted. Angry.  Miserable.  Incomplete.”

“Should you decide to take this call, your relationship with yourself will strengthen and you  will take ownership of your life.  You will evolve and start living closer to your truth and potential.  Your whole outlook will change, and great things will happen. Things you would not have seen with your old outlook.”

And that is only the introduction.

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I do know I am in better head space.  I’m in a safe environment where I do not have stress, toxicity or worry.

I have been working on myself for the last several years, mentally.  However, I have let my health deteriorate and it shows.  This year, as a promise to myself, I am going to get physically healthy. 

I also want to be a better Woman of God. 

According to AI: A woman of God is defined more by her inner character and actions – like faith, kindness, wisdom, humility and service – than by outward appearance, reflecting her deep relationship with God through a gentle and quiet spirit, a love for His word, and a commitment to honoring Him in her words and deeds, embodying strength and dignity (Proverbs 31).  She’s characterized by her heart for God and others, showing Christ’s love through compassion, integrity and perseverance, even amidst challenges.

As I walk in my faith, I know God has a purpose for me.  Getting myself physically in shape will allow me to handle what He is about to give/show me! 

Going into 2026 with an open mind, feeling better about myself and letting Christ lead me is exactly where I need to be if I should find a Godly Husband.

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